the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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