Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
