Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
