how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
