everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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