I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
