i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
