You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
