I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
