yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
