Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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