Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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