Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
