why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
