I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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