please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
