You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
