I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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