so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
