He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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