The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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