Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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