Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize