Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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