Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
