Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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