I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
