so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
