Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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