She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
