I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you inspire me to be a worse person
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
