Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
