Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
