yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
