I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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