so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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