I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
