is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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