Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
