Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
