Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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