I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
