my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
