He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
