uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
