it hurts more in the daytime
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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