i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
