If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
