To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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