So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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