I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
PANTIES FOUND
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
