Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
