yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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