Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
