how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
