i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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