Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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