dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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