I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
