Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
