waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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