I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My feet surprised me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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