I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
