got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
