doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
