His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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