everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
