now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He felt like a one man threesome
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
