I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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