I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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