why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
