you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
