She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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