I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
