Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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