You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
