I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
