That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
