in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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