You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found puke in my bra..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
