he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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